The wind is a thing for which there are no words
Invisible arms
Untouchable strength
The midnight wind has everything I lack
Freedom
Space
Strength
Beauty
Though alone she is forced to roam the world
Never a warm bed to retire to
As if driven by demons , she hunts on, and on
Never ceasing
Always searching
Little does she know, her dark companion waits for her
Window open, I let the cool air draw me out
A smell more fresh than any earthy smell draws me in
Embracing the cold, the loneliness of a world where no one knows your name
A world where no arms will ever hold you close
A world where no arms will ever hold you down
Fear of forgetting, and adrenaline for tomorrow
Soon all I have loved will be forgotten
Soon any I cared for will be swept away
Just my midnight companion and I
Freelance, the cold caress of the night
©2008-2009 ~Janel1707
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Submitted: April 6, 2008
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Submitted: April 6, 2008
File Size: 1.0 KB
Image Size: 0 bytes
Resolution: 0×0
Comments: 9
Favourites & Collections: 3 [who?]
Views
Total: 34
Today: 0
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Today: 0
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Author's Comments
Although it is cold, here I will wait for you
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Comments
--
Before I cross my heart and hope to die at all
Take off my mask and leave the lies to the liars
~The Used
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You’re mine and I want you to stay that way. The first time I kissed you it was sealed. I’m giving you my best shot.
~xxEvxx
However, it seems a little repetitive in places and could do with compacting. Try writing out the main ideas that your poem is trying to show, and see if you can simplify the parts of the poem that adress these ideas. Less is more, as always.
Remember that when someone is reading a poem, if the line has no punctuation at the end, it usually indicates that it is to be continued on to the next line without pause. Where an idea or image ends, its a good idea to put a full stop or comma to show this. However, it\'s totally up to you, and you can choose to use an extra line break instead. Always read your poems aloud aftet you\'ve finished, it helps you to see areas that aren\'t as effective.
However, this is a lovely poem in the making. Well done!
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Send me your writings! I will read and comment on everything.
Bent*Brittle
but i your right, i think line breaks would help
thanks
--
You’re mine and I want you to stay that way. The first time I kissed you it was sealed. I’m giving you my best shot.
~xxEvxx
--
The Summer "Tell Me a Story" Contest
"I'd rather have a powerful poem full of technical flaws than an insignificant poem that was flawless." --*Mahi-Fish
=Wordspill!
yes
--
You’re mine and I want you to stay that way. The first time I kissed you it was sealed. I’m giving you my best shot.
~xxEvxx
--
I don't need chances.... I have prayer
--
You’re mine and I want you to stay that way. The first time I kissed you it was sealed. I’m giving you my best shot.
~xxEvxx
--
I don't need chances.... I have prayer
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